Here are the four stages every karaoke club regular goes through: what they look like and what to do about them. From the very first time on stage to “listen, pal, I was singing Frank Sinatra here when you were still in diapers.”
Stage One: I’m Not Singing
Absolutely everyone goes through the first stage. Stage fright, shyness and the fear of looking ridiculous put beginners under serious stress on their first visit to a karaoke club. Your knees shake, your voice trembles, and the suddenly slippery microphone keeps trying to jump out of your hands.
What to do?
Relax. Even if your performance is truly awful, it is far from the first one like it tonight, and it won’t be the last. A karaoke club is the most tolerant and friendly place in the world. Most of the guests honestly don’t care how you sing or how you look. Take a closer look: they’re eating, drinking, laughing, passing the salt and asking the waitress for the song book. People came here to relax, not to score the performers. So forget about them and enjoy your performance. Ask a friend with more karaoke experience to sing a duet with you. It’s less scary with two.
Stage Two: I’ll Sing, Just Not Ed Sheeran
With a bit of experience, a beginner develops a certain elitist pickiness about the song list. It usually shows up as a long scroll through the catalog and a conversation with the sound engineer that goes roughly like this:
— Do you have “I Will Always Love You” in the original Dolly Parton version, not Whitney Houston’s? No? Well, sorry, I don’t sing that. Anything from early Tom Waits? What do you mean, no? Is this really a karaoke club and not a teen disco?
What to do?
Understand and forgive. Karaoke clubs cater to the widest possible audience and its most popular requests. Your favorite jazz artist may not be in even the largest song library, Studio Evolution’s, which has over 100,000 tracks. But you can always contact the company’s consultants and suggest adding your favorite track to the catalog.
Stage Three: Ed Sheeran Who?
The third stage is the most dangerous one. You feel that Elvis Presley is overrated, that Robbie Williams is noticeably off-key, and that Tina Turner has no idea how GoldenEye should really be sung. And as you step down from the karaoke club stage after another successful performance, you just can’t figure out where on earth that producer has got to.
What to do?
Calm down. Even though you’ve racked up high karaoke scores and learned to hit the high notes beautifully, that’s not enough for worldwide fame. Recognition doesn’t come overnight or for nothing. Keep singing, study stagecraft, work on your stage persona and don’t forget to share recordings of your performances on social media. Focus on your individuality and your own unique style, and you’re sure to get noticed.
Stage Four: Two More Ed Sheeran Hits and I’m Done
Sometimes it’s important to stop in time so you don’t end up on the karaoke club’s blacklist. Sure, the venue wants you to sing as many songs as possible in one evening, but if you’re making other guests uncomfortable, you’ll be shown the door very quickly. Swearing, insults and jumping the microphone queue are unlikely to win anyone over.
What to do?
Have fun and let others have fun too. A karaoke club is a place for good vibes — that’s what it’s all about, and that’s what guests come here for every night. And for all your whims, there’s the VIP room.
